I thought something may have been wrong with the program and when I went to look, there was some funny code where I had made the changes. I had noticed how my body adjusted to what the guy I was attracted to wanted, and I would understand what he liked in bed and it was weird at first, but fun. I actually enjoyed a lot of it, but my adjusting to what those men wanted didn't change who they were. Some only wanted the sex and then never called back. Some thought that I belonged to them and tried to truly possess me."I squirmed at that statement. I felt possessive of her as well as six others. It may have been wrong to feel that way, but I did. Apparently Renée noticed my nervousness, "It was different with them. They thought of me like a piece of furniture." I don't," I said in self-defense.She nodded. "I know. You're worried about how I feel. They didn't care." She touched my cheek softly, soothing away my concern. "If I think you're being wrong with me, in that way, I'll let you. What if I was wrong about this collaboration between Gena and Charles? What if Charles now thought I was soiled or despicable for having so enjoyed the carnal knowledge of another man. We had invited other women into our home, but I had left our nest to be with another man. Did that, in Charles' mind make a marriage-breaking difference? What if he was not feeling jealousy or inadequacy, but repulsion to what I had become?I thought maybe I should shower to become clean for him and I told him that I would do that, but he said, "Please don't. Please come to bed with me and tell me all about your evening. Besides, I haven't removed your collar yet and this is what I wish." He was looking into my eyes as if he was looking for signs of something. I was looking into his and I did not see repulsion. I saw acceptance and love and uncertainty and most surprisingly, what I saw in his eyes was fear. In the few short months since I had so violated his trust, he had gone from wanting to leave me.
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